11-1-07 From Kevin

Seriously, be for real for a minute. We are all overwhelmed and so busy we don't know whether to wipe our watches or wind our butts. We are going a zillion miles a minute and it's all ludicrous. If you aren't, email me and let me know.

I know better! I know that working for money and 'stuff' is a void effort. I know that having time and 'margin' in my life gives room for the true value that God has in me.

I know this!

Yet I've chosen to be self employed, to have 5 kids (god ordained the inception, though I obviously had a willing role...very willing as a matter of fact), to purchase a dream Aspen Grove land high in the Rocky Mountains where I'm building a 4,800 square foot home instead of a modest 1,500 sq ft, to take time to run once in a while, and nightly trampoline time with my kids and an occasional passionate date night with my bride...

It's all by choice, and I often feel like I'm about to vibrate out of my skin! This afternoon I was so scatterbrained that instead of downshifting my oversized pickup into 2nd gear, I put it into reverse...while doing about 20 mph. Good gravy! Only by God's grace did it not deposit my transmission onto the dirt road I was traveling on at 9,300'!

What is my point and tidy 30-minute sitcom solution?! I have none. Literally. I've made a choice to go after something that goes against 'conventional wisdom.' When I raced bicycles competitively, I raced pro. I raced against guys who were single and devoted themselves to training, nutrition and rest. I on the other hand, had a wife, 3 kids at the time, and was doing good to find time to eat and rest at all. But I wanted to race! So I suffered more instead of settling for less.

Then I wanted to be with my kids. Not have a regular job that took me away from them for 8-10 hours per day. Even if it meant less money. So I suffered more instead of settling for less.

Then I wanted a dream home in the high mountains with land and trees and space. So I'm suffering more instead of settling for less (which is waiting till I can 'afford' it at 55 years old after the kids are grown and gone.

Does all this justify the ludicrousness of my current life? I don't know. I'm still spending time with my family. I'm 'sacrificing' personal time for a while for sure. And it's up to me to finally bring it to an end instead of letting it go on forever.

Am I caught up in the world's disease of overcommitment and desire for 'more?' In all honesty...some. I have to admit that. But I'm also working for some realistic dreams for my family. It's up to me to 'smell the roses' of my family along the way. To roll around on the floors with my little boys at night even when so much 'work' calls to me. To play games with my 'big kids.' To take date nights with my Bride. To go for a run now and then. And to have an end in sight. A time to finish a big endeavor (building a house) and give some time for rest and 'margin.'

So I can't claim any righteousness in not being 'retarded' with my time. But I need to keep it in check and be honest with it. Do the kids want a 4,800 sq ft home, or would they rather have Daddy jump on the trampoline with them? In the moment, the tramp' wins in a heartbeat. I know the house will bless them, but there has to be a balance in the meantime or I'll lose them in the process...

Got any words of wisdom, thoughts or ideas on the subject?