4-26-07 From Teri:

Lately Kevin's been working a lot. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Well, sort of. But usually when he works a lot, its in response to my nagging about bills or something. Or the fact that we are launching into building our first home and already owe several thousand dollars to a draftsman, engineer, etc.... Certainly, one really great thing about being self-employed is the ability to work more hours and actually make more money for unexpected expenses.

Okay, okay, I know the property taxes should have been expected. I mean, I knew it was coming up, knew the due date was looming...I just didn't expect it to be looming so suddenly. So that "unexpected expense" term is kinda relative. And sometimes, it really is relative. You know, actually about your relatives! Like the family reunion thing. I knew it was coming up, knew the due date was looming...honestly, I'm looking forward to it. I just...sorta, didn't plan...I guess... 'Cause lets be real, who really wants to think about spending $900 on gas, $100 on taco-bell/subway/gas-station snacks, $200 on motels, and 20 hours each way in the car with five kids (priceless!) any sooner than you have to?

Anyway, we've got a lotta things looming. That property tax nuisance, our first "real" payment on the new land, fees for the engineered septic, foundation, house plans, soil & perc test, permit fees to the county building department, and then two family reunions. Yes, I said two, within 30 days of each other, one in TX, the other in TN. And what's on my mind? Okay, honestly, right now, I can't stop thinking of that reassuring advertising phrase, "for everything else, there's mastercard." No really, the thing I'm grappling with is this: how do we keep all this in balance? We're looking at somewhere near $10,000 of "unexpected expenses" in the next 4 months, and that's before we even get the construction loan finalized!

Now, I'm not doing the poor-pitiful-me thing here, 'cause we made the decisions that got us to this point. No one drugged me and put a bag over my head and forced me to sign the papers for the title on our land. If I remember correctly, I actually let the kids skip a day of school, Kevin made pancakes for breakfast, we were all dressed & ready to go almost 20 minutes early, and with eager anticipation, jumped, leaped, twirled and skipped into the title office to sign up for a $135,000 loan (that will probably be more like $1,350,000 once all the interest is paid) to purchase our dream spot of land up here in the mountains of Colorado. So I knew what I was getting into. And mastercard thanks us for it. (Hey we're just doing our part to help out the economy, right?)

Truly though, I consider it such a blessing that Kevin is the entrepreneurial visionary that he is, because we have a life that allows him to work more, add more clients, create another tele-seminar class, or whatever he can, to bring in that extra income for those unexpected expenses. (alright, already! quit rolling your eyes when I say that; you know what I mean...cause it really felt like it was unexpected!) The only problem with all that is...he has to work a lot more. Yup, exactly the thing I'm grateful for, kinda turns on me & bites me in the buttocks.

It's not just that I miss his help with the kids & the housework & all that, cause I sure do, but I also just miss him. I miss how he rolls around with the kids in the evenings, and how he helps out during the lunch-time-melt-down, and how he takes care of the little boys in the mornings, and how he randomly makes magic-muffins for breakfast, and how he...oh, whoops...those are all things about how he helps with the kids & the housework & all that... Really though - it's those moments - those day-to-day tasks & shared responsibility & laughter & loving - that I love about him the most. And so I miss him.

And lets be real: sometimes I just get sick of being the Mommy! When Daddy has to work a lot, Mommy has to go into overtime, but Mommy don't get no overtime pay!! There've been a few afternoons recently that I seriously thought about that old "calgon take me away" ad and wished it were a code phrase for some alien ship that whisks over-extended mothers away to a floating-spa-in-the-sky. For me that spa would include a complete pedicure, (but no manicure, 'cause who really wants to change diapers and do dishes and play legos with some fancy nail polish?), a shampoo/haircut/style that took longer than 10 minutes and cost more than 10 dollars, a neck & shoulder massage, and about 7 hours of uninterrupted silence to read, write, and possibly nap. And of course Kevin would be there; just to hang out with me, talk, laugh, dream, share...ahhhh.

Okay, back to reality. So he's been working a lot. And I've been mommying a lot. And I miss him. This weekend we'll celebrate 14 years of being married. Don't have a babysitter yet. But, by golly, we're gonna get one. With all the extra work, he's brought in a couple of sizable checks. So we can scrape a bit of cash together to pay the babysitter, and take the afternoon off. We'll relish the time together, laughing, talking, dreaming...and kissing, of course. And then we'll head back home to our kids that we cherish, and our work-at-home-office, and our new-land/house-construction bills that we are actually thankful to have...and we'll love each other all the more.