11-21-07 From Kevin

So I just wrote a blog about cherishing your kids. But...before that...is something else.

Your spouse.

Or as the big group therapy session said...I should own the statement. My spouse.

Not to be cliche' about Mommy & Daddy's love being important for the kids. There are single parents out there doing a killer job with their kids. There are people...

Oh man, commercial break. We own an old VHS of 'Jerry McGuire.' I usually stay up late answering emails and listening to music. Lately...old jazz, or Michael Buble. But tonight I stuck in this movie, over halfway through. Just saw the end...the 'You complete me' and 'You had me at hello' parts. I'm pretty misty, great fodder for writing a blog about my wife...

...who are in bad marriages and they are rising above the crap to still be a good parent.

But in the setting that was meant for our kids...their parents being in love fills them like nothing else. No argument there.

I know this, yet still have to be reminded. I mean, what started all this? It was me, checking out this fine speciman of femininity that breezed through the door of a friends house. She was tired, sweaty and still in dance clothes. She felt anything but pretty. Yet in the dark room, I saw her. A split second and I was invested. To that point, I'd never really dated much, I was traveling the world racing my bike. 7 super fast months later, I was married. No thought of kids. No thought of much of anything, except that I was madly in love with this person!

So now...it's 14 years and 7 months later. We have 5 kids. We've been through 3 valleys where we have been about through with each other. We have a truck load of debt from my entrepreneurial endeavors. We are building a dream house that is great!...and nuts. 2 of those kids are little boys that, God love em and me too...but they more resemble maniacal orangutans on speed than 'sweet babies.'

I can lose the luster, but I've never lost the love. The luster though...we have rekindled that lately. It's not fair to most of humanity, as my bride has more luster now than she did back then. I posted those pictures from a week ago. For her birthday, we did some shopping. Nothing huge, just a new local women's clothes shop. In our mountain town of 10,000, it's next to a Hollywood Blvd. fancy pants place. Except dresses are $20 bucks (glory). She wore one dress that day, just here in the house being a Mom. I couldn't quite keep my sanity about me, I spent most of the day dragging my jaw around on the floor slobbering, which was actually ok, I don't think the floor had been mopped this year...

But we've been dating. Each other...don't flip out. You know the old counsel of taking a date night every week? Nice counsel, but hard to do with 5 kids. If we CAN find a sitter, we spend more on them than dinner at Wolfgang Puck's place, including the flight to L.A.

Revelation though, we now have a 12 year old son, 11 year old daughter, and almost 8 year old daughter. We can put the little boys down at 7pm, and leave! It's legal, and legit. We normally just stay in town, never more than 7 miles away. But last week, for Teri's birthday, we went down the pass to the Springs. Over 15 miles away! Had a romantic, passionate and memorable time.

What this does for our beings, our lives, our marriage...is worth 100 hours of 'play' time for our kids. Goo-goo eyes, a kiss...witnessed by our kids, who you can't fool by pretending...adds years on to their lives.

It's not cliche', it's true. I'll compare it to being fit. If you want to be strong and svelte and full of energy, you are working out, exercising, sweating...

But waking at 3am and downing a dozen donuts is going to derail you.

If you have a spouse, everything you do for your kids is second best (or lower) than loving your spouse. Being in harmony with them. Loving them. Being in love with them! And we are past the giddy feeling. This takes proactive effort. But it can come, I promise. And the ripples will rock your world.

No easy solution here, you just have to make it happen. Schedule a sitter now. Find a romantic restaurant. Pick out an outfit that you know your spouse likes. Plan it a week ahead and look forward to it together. Have a glass of wine. Two if life is really hard and you need to get over your worries and concerns. And live in your lover's eyes for just a bit...