6-7-07 From Teri: Remember the movie "Princess Bride," when Wesley was kidnapped and taken to the Pit of Despair to be tortured? Most people don't realize, this scene was actually inspired by the torture of teething. I'm talking about the torture parents go through when their baby or toddler is teething. It starts when baby is about six months old...and doesn't really end until the kid is something like 4 or 5. Of course then, Junior just heads right into loose teeth, and all that ensuing torture...

At our house it seems like the past couple of years have just been one teething-torture session after another. It started about two years ago, when Ian was getting his first teeth. You know how it goes...unexplained crying, slobber everywhere, puppy-like gnawing on everything from bedroom slippers and car keys, to Mommy's shoulder and the now-sticky-with-spit-up cell phone. Ian would go through two weeks of this - torture for both of us - and then a tiny, sharp-edged tooth would erupt through his gums. For two days we'd have our happy, smiley boy back...ahhh, joy, peace, laughter! Then the cycle would begin anew. Just when Ian seemed done with the ritualistic torture-dance of emerging teeth, and proudly sported a near-mouthful of perfect little pearly-whites, then baby Canyon started his first round of it.

With our first two kids I would end up at the pediatrician, fretting about these ideopathic symptoms: low-grade fever, diarrhea, diaper rash, runny nose, excessive crying, prolific slobber... I was sure there must be something terribly wrong. Doctor Brooks would somberly shake his head, point out the teething-inflamed gums, and then announce that baby also had a non-specific virus (thus the fever). Now since then, I have read about a hundred articles on teething and how it doesn't cause fever or diarrhea; those conditions must be from some unrelated sickness. Well, I'm no doctor, but with my fifth child whining his way into tooth-ville, I'm here to tell you that whether caused by it or not, diarrhea, low-grade fever, runny nose & diaper rash all occur simultaneously with teething!!! Not to mention fussing, whining, leg-clinging, gnawing, crying and night-terrors (those would be mine, after the third episode of his brief, ear-splitting screams disrupting my previously taken-for-granted-8-hours of sleep).

Canyon is 16 months old now, and has something like 500 teeth coming in a once. Well, golly, you'd think so, with how miserable he has been. It's only been about 4 or 5 days, but somehow I can hardly remember what he's like when he's not whining, crying, screaming, or suctioned to my legs or waist with his monkey-baby-cling-wrap impression. We've tried the little herbal teething tablets, the refrigerated teethers, and even doses of ibuprofen. Not much seems to help. And let's be real: do those cute little teether-toys honestly work for any baby??? We've tried every style & shape & flavor over the years with our kids, but they always somehow prefer chewing on the old gray-green hiking shoelace in the dress-up box, or the soft end of the lotion bottle by Sissy's bed, or the cool-metal handle of the potato masher. Years ago I would have freaked to find my precious baby with some nasty shoelace in his mouth...but now I figure unless there is actual fecal-matter present, most any household item he can't choke on or injure himself with, is fair game for gum-soothing.

As I type this, poor Canyon is whining from his crib. His newest teething-coping-mechanism is to throw his must-have-it-to-sleep blanky over the side of the crib. I've no idea how this helps soothe his gums, other than the fact that his escalating screams inevitably bring me into his nursery to soothe, comfort, resettle him and return blanky to its necessary spot between his thumb-sucking fist and rosy cheek. I do believe that this new ritual has been re-enacted close to a thousand times in just the three days since it was invented. It drives me crazy...but its also kinda sweet, the way he leans into my arms and nestles his head into my neck, trusting that somehow Mommy can make it better.

The reality is, I can't make it better. I can comfort & soothe & love a little more tenderly...and cling to the knowledge that this season will pass. In the Pit of Despair of "Princess Bride" there was this horrifying contraption that sucked the life out of it's victim. Sometimes I feel like the Teething Pit of Despair does just that: with each round of tears & slobber, a little more life is sucked out of me. But I've realized that it's just the opposite: with each torture-session I gain a little more life, a little more patience, a little more tenderness, a little more compassion. It still feels like torture, for both Mommy, Daddy & baby, but the unavoidable inconvenience of teething is actually a binding, bonding, beautifully necessary rite-of-passage in the life of all parents.

SO - what about you? How do you help baby cope with the discomfort & pain of teething? How do YOU cope with the discomfort & pain of baby's teething? I'm smack in the middle of it here...and would love some tips from those in the trenches! Please give us some comments with your own stories, tips & ideas, and we'll share them on next week's podcast. Thanks, fellow Reality-Parents!