5-3-07 From Teri:
I got an email from my sister last week, in regard to our podcasts. It was one of those letters that kinda stings...gently reprimands, but with love & compassion, truly thinking of our best interests & desiring to help. You know the kind of criticism I mean: where you want to deny & defend & deflect...but you know that it's true, and besides, its precisely something that's been nagging at your conscience lately. Basically, it was about our tendency in the podcasts to come across as self-righteous, pompous mules. (my words, not my sister's, I promise!) And what really stings is that I know its true...my tendency to be a self-righteous, pompous-mule, finger-pointing snob is probably the deepest, most painful thorn in my side.

But...(you knew you smelled a "butt" in there, didn't you?)...the overwhelming purpose of this site & podcast is not to make folks happy or feel good about what they are doing, but to affect change. The most impacting, successful authors, teachers, coaches & radio hosts aren't the namby-pamby-middle-of-the-roaders...its the ones who are extreme & create dissension & conflict & cause people to think out of the typical American-media-dummy-box. Just like the books & resources that helped form our ideas about parenting - they were extreme, and I had to find my own "middle ground" - but the very extremity of the message is what got my attention enough to make a change. Rush Limbaugh doesn't worry about stepping on toes, nor does Dr. Laura Schlesinger, or Dave Ramsey, or Dr. Phil - they all tend to cut to the core of issues with extreme opinions that often cause uproar. Tho I don't agree with everything they've ever said, & tho I might think they are personally a bunch of pompous mules,...all of those extreme author/speakers have greatly shaped things in my life, for the better.

But anyway - somehow I've been able to receive the gentle reprimand from my sister, and I realize that its something I truly, desperately need to work on. And honestly, its not always the case, that I'm able to receive criticism. Okay, not even often the case...more like, rarely am I able to receive criticism without letting it knock me out emotionally, for at least several days. 'Cause my nature (and maybe human nature?), when confronted, is to give about 70 different arguments that deny the confrontation (what? I don't do that...), defend the confronted action (...but even if I do, its because of...), and deflect responsibility by shifting blame for the confrontation (...and anyway, its 'cause you push me...). Let's be real; you recognize that dialogue, dontcha??? Well, I sure resemble it.

Which is another piece of the root-problem that I'm basically a self-righteous, pompous-donkey-butt, finger-pointing snob. Golly, I hate that about myself. I hate how it spews putrescence (go with the donkey-butt analogy) on the people I love. Like when I hear my kids saying, "I don't want to play with so-&-so next door, cause he spits on the trampoline, and we just don't do things like that in our family." So horrible to see how that thorn in my side...is becoming a thorn in their sides...

Or like the recent conflict with my brother, where I basically slashed him wide open with my whole self-righteous, pompous, blah, blah, blah thing. I won't poke your nose in all my dirty laundry, but it basically went something like this: he was a pooper, then I was a pooper (or maybe I was the pooper first; see I'm still struggling with this finger-pointing thing), then I lost my temper, then he lost his temper, and somewhere in there our spouses lost their tempers too, and then I finally ended it all with this beautifully crafted, self-righteous, finger-pointing, pompous-mule snobbery crap about how right I was & how wrong he was & how maybe I might forgive him someday, if I get some therapy. ARGHHHHH!!! I'm spewing putrescence on myself, just remembering it. Talk about needing some therapy!!!! Needless to say, I am in the thick of trying to seek his forgiveness and praying that I can somehow mend the relationship my self-righteous attitude wrecked.

And yet, in the middle of this battle of fighting off some elitist, snobbery-complex, I realize that everything in me is wired to be different. I've always questioned authority...and bucked the system...and searched for better ways to do things... In a way, I've always striven to be different. Not because I think I'm better...but because I long to be; because I always want to be growing & changing & improving on average. Somehow the status quo just scares me; makes me feel fenced in & trapped by the perspectives of "the herd."

So how do I do it? How do I share passionate perspectives - that differ greatly from the norm - without being self-righteous? How do I answer the question of "how do you get your kids to help out so cheerfully?," without responding in a way that comes across as a pompous mule? How do I urge people to close their ears & eyes to pop-culture-advertising-driven-media "wisdom" without pointing the finger at the aforementioned media formats? How do I lead my children in unconventional things like no TV (nope, we don't get it at all), eating a fresh & healthy vegetarian diet, home schooling, etc - without coming across as a snob?

Perhaps this pompous-mule-snobbery thing is a thorn in my side that I'm always going to have to grapple with. Sharing what I've learned about truth, balanced with grace; conviction, balanced with compassion; confrontation, balanced with love. Maybe there are no easy answers? What if I have to fight these self-righteous demons, right in the midst of sharing my passionate perspectives? Such a daunting task. Perhaps, just perhaps, I'll learn some humility along the way.