5-7-07 From Kevin:

First let me say...I don't think being a parent is the pinnacle of life and will guarantee me a seat at the right-hand of God. I deal with so many authors, life coaches, folks in 'ministry' and business people...each who is passionate about what their personal focus is. I dig that, as I think everyone is specifically made to excel and communicate a valuable and unique message. The downside is that often folks think that their thing is THE THING! And that's tiring.

So I don't live and breath 'parenting' as the all important focus of the galaxy. It's not. Which leads me to my title.

I think humanity would be better served if less people had kids. I'm not talking third world countries where starvation is rampant, or Asia where there's not enough room. I'm talking right here in the good ole' US of A.

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God hard-wired us to desire a mate, and then children. So I understand the natural tendency for love, intimacy, procreation and all that. But it's still a choice that needs to be well thought out.

For example, take hunting. I understand my natural tendency as a man to hunt. Put me out in the woods on one of my off-trail runs and let me come upon a herd of elk, and my psyche goes into blood hound mode. I become the guys in the opening scene of 'Last Of the Mohicans' and I'm pounding through the woods with elk crashing ahead of me, bugling away and creating a stampede. I love it, makes me feel alive (the pic is from one of my runs, I think the 10,000' thin air had gotten to me). And...it's natural, passed down from my Indian ancestors I suppose (I'm a small percent Cherokee I'm told), who had to hunt to eat and live. However, I personally check that natural tendency to hunt with other relevant circumstantial realities in my life. Like...
1. This is a state park and I could get arrested for poaching,
2. I'm not so studly that I'd really catch an elk on foot unless it broke its leg,
3. I don't have a weapon anyway, and am more likely to get gored if I got close enough,
4. I don't really want to kill an animal anyway, even if it was legal and I had a gun,
5. I'm vegetarian, which makes it all very counter-intuitive,
6. Unlike my Indian ancestors, if I'm hungry I can simply drive my big SUV 1-mile away to the corner store and buy anything I want. Don't even have money, just a credit card!

So put those all together, and the natural tendency doesn't make much sense for me to follow through with. Which brings me back to kids.

Most people seek a spouse, which must be at the top of the natural-inclination heap. And then it's generally expected that you'll have kids. BUT...this is where I think the questions need to start coming...

Does this make sense for your life? Being a parent is not just an assumed byproduct of life and marriage, and that I think...is where the problem lies. Creating a new human being is possibly one of the most immense responsibilities on the planet. It's not treated as such...but it is! You become the most significant influence for a life, and all the lives that life touches and creates. You will create either:
A. A leech or a bully (they take more than they give from society),
B. Meaningless filler (they don't take much or give much, they just take up space),
C. A benevolent leader (they add to society and make it a better place)

We see this in the movies, back in the days of Camelot. The king gives Lordship over a village to three men. Lord #1 is angry, insecure and self-gratifying and he rules harshly and unlovingly. It creates generations of sin and despair. Lord #2 is not bad, but basically self-serving and just does the basics, and creates a village of mediocrity and anonymity that just exists a while till everyone saunters off somewhere else seeking meaning. Lord #3 realizes the responsibility he's been given and he invests in his people, serves them, trains them, respects them and they flourish. They create a beautiful new kingdom, or ultimately grow in to leading the current one.

Don't try to read something spiritual in there or look for my personal motives for becoming a king. It's just a quick analogy.

The point is that most people just have kids and don't consider their commitment. If your primary focus in life doesn't support raising...really raising children, then just don't have them! You may have been called to lead a dynamic, life-altering organization that takes all your time. Awesome! But if it doesn't look to leave enough time for the monumental task of raising children...don't have them! If the thought of being at home all day caring for kids, understanding it will be an entirely thankless job from the world at large, is discouraging...don't have them!

Again, I'm not making a case for good, better or best in life's pursuits. I'm not aware that Mother Theresa or Ghandi had children...they felt called to other worthy pursuits. But if they were to have had children, then I would have expected them to tone down on their worldly travels and important campaigns, as their first ministry was to the kid(s).

Feeding, clothing and providing a roof are not adequate provisions for a child. Cable TV, a big house, a late model car (or 3), a pool and Nintendo are not necessary. To have a kid, means you have just committed to your primary responsibility, charge, priority and job for the next 18 or so years. Your 'job' doesn't come before it, your ministry doesn't come before it, your art/gift/passion doesn't come before it.

It's a huge, huge choice with ramifications that are the definition of the 'butterfly effect.' Your influence as a parent will echo for generations.

Why would I write this to be read primarily by folks who are already parents? To point out that you've already made your choice, and I pray that you (and I) remember it daily as this Matrix of a life pulls desperately to draw our minds and hearts and passions elsewhere. Anywhere else but to that delicate soul to whom you are, for the moment, God. We'll never make news headlines or be up in front of an auditorium receiving a statue on prime time TV for putting our life-blood into our children. A sexy thriller movie won't be made about me taking five kids on a full-fledged grocery-shopping trip, where we bought $300 worth of groceries filling two carts, had one baby barf in aisle 9 and cleaned it up ourselves, and had the toddler totally pee himself, and with no extra clothes (cause Teri wasn't there or she would have had them) he rode home in adult size pants that I found in the back of the Suburban, out of a bag destined for Goodwill. We even stopped by and rented a movie and I made pizza when we got home!

But nobody knows or cares...except those kids. They are my primary investment. They don't need an inheritance of money. They need an inheritance of time and love, and there is no substitute.

Maybe we should do some awards like the Oscars, Grammys or whatever. We'll call it the 'Holipooshu' awards. "And the prize goes to whoever has the most holes in the knees of their jeans from crawling on the floor with their toddler, the most poo under their fingernails from changing little butts, and the most shoe mileage from accompanying older kids on their many activities." No better measuring stick than those...

What do you think about this topic and the perspective shared? Add your comment down at the bottom to benefit other readers!