This was from a blog Teri posted on April 19, 2007. But it was too funny to get lost in the blog archives...it's a worthy stand-alone article!
So I recently had to take Canyon (our youngest of five) in for his 12-month well check. Immunizations too of course, which is only one step away from Chinese-water-torture for a parent to have to endure.
Honestly, they should put something like that into a James Bond movie, for the ultimate torture. Picture it: victim has to lay their beloved, half-naked infant on cold, paper-covered medical table/bed; then victim is forced to hold the deliciously chubby arms & upper body of beloved infant, while baby lovingly & innocently gazes into victims eyes; torturer then presses baby's tender legs against edge of table/bed and nightmarishly slams a huge needle into those soft little thighs...
ARGHHHHHH...enough!!! But of course, that's not all...the adored infant screams in shock and pain, glaring accusingly into victim's eyes, only to have another needle slammed into the other innocent, chubby thigh. Sometimes the torture is repeated three, even four times! It's atrocious! The victim caves in, tortured beyond endurance, all within thirty seconds! I surrender!!! I'll tell you anything you want to know!!!
Okay, I know, the baby is the real victim. But doesn't it sometimes seem harder on us than them? I mean, I've been fretting about it for hours, leading up to the appointment. I've done the online searches...is this immunization really necessary? What are the side-effects of that one? Ooo, crap, here's a story about some kid who died after getting immunized. But, dangit, here's a story about some kid who died cause they didn't get immunized!!! What do I do??? The appointments in a half-hour...quick, where's that bubble-gum-flavored baby tylenol???...quick, where's that red Zinfandel left from last night???
Then we get to the appointment and have to wait for another 45 minutes, sweating bullets the whole time, cuddling cherished baby ever closer in some ridiculous attempt to butter them up before holding them down to have a 3-inch needle shoved into their 3-inch thigh. By the time I'm actually with the pediatrician, she is staring suspiciously at my soaked-armpit-blouse and my red-faced baby who is squirming desperately to get away from my anxious compensatory-cuddling. Then she notices the red finger prints on his pale little arm, from my over-zealous squeezing, and the damp spot on his onesie cause I sure didn't want to change his diaper there in the waiting room, and risk bringing on tears before the big needle-torture-procedure. Then I just sweat more, cause I suddenly worry that she thinks I'm a child abuser or something...
When the whole thing is finally over, and the wicked-witch-of-the-west nurse steps out of the room after offering sappy "what a brave baby" comfort and some ridiculous Barbie sticker (I know the baby's pretty, but he's a BOY okay?) that he'll just end up eating on the way home, I finally strap my beloved, bleeding-and-band-aided infant into his car seat and collapse in front of the steering wheel. Thank goodness I remembered to pack those cheetos...comfort food, y'know? No, not for the BABY, for ME...along with those two mostly-squished and slightly-fuzzy tootsie rolls I found at the bottom of the diaper bag.
On the drive home my sweet boy chortles & smacks his lips behind me, relishing the unbeknownst-to-me pleasures of his now edible Barbie sticker. I on the other hand, wipe away the occasional tear, whimper and sniffle, and fret about whether or not I should have allowed him to get that new immunization or not. He coughs a bit, squirms in his car seat, and coughs again, reaching for the final delectable shred of sticker. At the first red light, I scan his face for redness or swelling or hives or, or, or anything weird other than Barbie's perky breast in a red-checkered apron fragment stuck fast to the lower left side of his chin. I frantically scrounge through the diaper bag and pull the immunization info sheet out, scanning it for side effects...coughing...coughing...is that a sign of some impending doom??? Some horrible, rare allergic reaction???
Finally we arrive home and I gently pull him from his car seat, holding him close, breathing in the sweet smell of his golden hair, cherishing his warm forehead nuzzled into my neck. He seems so sleepy...oh no...is excessive drowsiness a sign of him slipping away from me??? What have I done? Oh, those terrible needles! But then I glance at my watch & realize; oh, it's 3:30pm; way past naptime. Sleepy boy cuddles peacefully with his blanky, sucks adorably on his thumb and is almost asleep before I'm 3 feet away from his crib.
I quietly back out of his butter-yellow nursery and gently shut the door. Kevin holds me close; "thanks for taking care of our baby boy." I picture myself in the James Bond film again, this time as the heroine, rescued after enduring the unimaginable horrors of baby-well-check-appointment-torture. It's good to be home.
Comments (8)
OK Teri, I'm not a mom (unless being a dog mom applies, but my dogs don't seem to mind shots when they get them) but I was feeling your pain here! Great blog!
Posted by Jackie Reeves | April 30, 2007 7:50 PM
Posted on April 30, 2007 19:50
Hilarious! Teri you have a knack with the written word. This reminds me of Erma Bombeck.
Posted by Tami Blais | April 30, 2007 7:51 PM
Posted on April 30, 2007 19:51
Oh, my gosh! How hilarious and bitter-sweet! Teri, this is an area of talent!
Posted by Pat Johnson | April 30, 2007 7:51 PM
Posted on April 30, 2007 19:51
I echo the words of the previous posters... Teri, you do have a gift for writing! So funny! So poignant! I will be forwarding this one to all of my mommy gal-pals...
Posted by ericka k | May 4, 2007 12:50 AM
Posted on May 4, 2007 00:50
Interesting story, Teri, and they are right, you do have a gift for the pen. As I read your story, I felt your pain, to the point of getting almost physically sick. As any good writer is able to do, you got me visualizing laying my own beautiful daughter down, as she innocently, trustingly allowed her body to be violated. (after all, daddy would never allow anything to hurt her). I choked up.
Teri, you mentioned that story of a child who got injured due to vaccination. That is not an isolated case. You see, the vaccinations we give our children for the purpose of protecting them, are killing them. The diseases that we are supposedly protecting them against, were already, for the most part, gone prior to the first vaccinations ever being given for them! The truth is, these vaccines are killing or destroying the lives of more children, than the diseases themselves. Please, before you take your son in for the next set, do some serious investigation. The fear of not vaccinating, that the drug companies and Madison Avenue marketing firms have so carefully and completely instilled in us, will quickly be replaced by a knowledge of the power of our body to remain healthy, and the damage done every day to children by vaccination.
As you are developing a following of parents wanting to better raise their children, many of them will do what you do, just because you do it. It is important that you lead them in the right direction.
The best place to start your vaccination education is The National Vaccine Information Center at www.909shot.com
I am a big fan of your father-in-law and send people to his site on a regular basis. I agree with you, that parenting skills have gone by the wayside. I look forward to reading your site.
God Bless You on your mission!
Dr. Rick Murphy
Posted by Dr. Rick Murphy | May 16, 2007 11:09 AM
Posted on May 16, 2007 11:09
Dr. Rick,
Thanks so much for your comment! Ok...I find myself wanting to know more about what you shared on vaccinations. Will you tell us more here? And about your background? Maybe you need to be a guest on the show and fill us in more...
Posted by Kevin | May 22, 2007 10:44 PM
Posted on May 22, 2007 22:44
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply. I am a Chiropractor, in practice for 20 years. I am ashamed to say that, like many folks, I never really gave any thought to vaccines, it was just something you do. Something everyone does. Then, just before our 1st baby was born, a colleague of mine asked if we had made up our minds about vaccinations. My answer was 'not yet' but my thoughts were 'what do you mean? What's there to think about?' Our research led us to decide to not vaccinate, and we feel that my friend saved our daughter's life! You see, it turns out, she has severe reactions to preservatives, artificial colors, flavors etc..., so we do not feel that she would have survived the unbelievably aggressive ingredients of vaccines. (Just our feelings, and we are not willing to test our theory). Because of these sensitivities, we also switched to an all-organic diet, with truly amazing results for the whole family (but that's a different story).
The results, our kids don't get sick. They never had the constant runny noses, that their friends seem to have. Neither one of our girls has ever had an ear infection. Once, they caught strep throat, their friend had it for 2 weeks, our girls kicked it in 2 days. Our bodies were designed to be healthy, we are self-regulating, self-healing beings, we don't need help, we just don't need interference. Think about it, the last time you had a little cut or scrape, did anyone have to give your body directions on how to heal? If we give our bodies what they need, clean air, pure water (in the proper amounts), good clean food (without chemicals), and exercise, then our bodies will be truly healthy, and will develop natural immunities.
I am excited for you in your quest for truth, Kevin and Teri. You are going to find out some things that will make you mad, but your family and your readers will benefit tremendously.
As far as being on the show, well, hmmm. I don't really feel I would do the subject justice. I would hope that you could speak with Barbara Loe Fisher of the National Vaccine Information Center. She wrote the book "A Shot in the Dark", and would be a great guest of the show. Also, Dr. Tim O'Shea, who's website is www.thedoctorwithin.com would be a great guest. He has a wealth of information in the 'chapters' section of his website. His book is called "The Sanctity of Human Blood: Vaccination I$ Not Immunization". It's in it's 11th edition (2007) Great, eye opening stuff.
God Bless You
Dr. Rick Murphy
Posted by Dr. Rick Murphy | May 30, 2007 11:56 AM
Posted on May 30, 2007 11:56
Rick - Great feedback and counsel. We have always questioned vaccines, but you bring up issues I was unaware of too, and aside from the Hepititis B, I think all of our kids have gotten the rest. Though our little guys may still have some coming.
I just appreciate your feedback, please continue to give us comments on the broadcasts and blogs.
Posted by Kevin | June 14, 2007 1:54 PM
Posted on June 14, 2007 13:54