6-7-07 From Kevin:
"Just Do It!"
"Crap Or Get Off The Pot!"
"Make It Happ'n Cap'n!"
"Call A Spade A Spade"
These are all phrases I find comfort in. I've been oft quoted as saying an issue is "Black and White." Though we may be uncertain, the answer is black and white...no gray.
Add to that my belief in circumstantial relevance. Meaning, you can fix things by making a change.
- Overweight? Quit eating more calories than you use!
- Fearful? Face it and overcome it!
- Tempted? Remove the temptation!
If you want an outcome, change your behavior. Want your kids to behave...DO THIS!
And the buzzer goes off and I'm dismissed from the game. WRONG ANSWER!
So this is what I'm learning. Sure, there are some things that are pretty across the board. For 99.9% of the world, the key to physical health and wellness really is...eat less and exercise more! There is very little option for anything else.
But with kids? Or marriage or faith? One formula to achieve success? I'm just being broken. I can potty train 3 kids successfully with a formula, then along comes a little dude who just won't follow my formula. What can I say? I'm beat. Wrong. Failed.
Now, I'm still as convicted as ever about 'PRINCIPLE.' Meaning...I think a kid can well be potty trained at 2 years old, to stick with the potty training example. I've just experienced success with it. However, achieving it with one simple formula isn't working for us. We have to learn about Ian. Understand him. Try new things.
Does your kid bite? Well, one formula isn't going to fix it. Though by golly, you'd better stop her from doing it anymore! Somehow!
We are a formula society. We want a solution (as easy as possible please) that we can use right away and like a microwave, get immediate results. This is what keeps the self-help industry flourishing, and it always will. The demand will never stop.
But true success across the board on principles of worth, will always extract a sizable price. "No Pain, No Gain!" Another quote I like pretty well. To care well for my kids will take time, investment, sacrificial giving. But the point is relationship and wellness. "Roots and Wings!" It's worth it. And worth me finding out and admitting my own theological folly.
So I wonder about you? What principles do you strive for as a parent? What ones have not submitted to a basic formula? Or if you've found one, I'm still a sucker for wanting to know about it...what is it?
Comments (2)
The only thing I know about formulas is that you have to have at least one for every event for every kid and most of them don't work!
About the potty training "formula" for Ian. Let him decide! I know it sounds like "hand off" parenting, but sometimes that works best for everyone's relationship. My son was a few months past his 3rd birthday, EVERYONE was on my case, but I knew him well enough to know that I could force the issue or let him decide. I went with my intuition and let him decide. Within a week of him stating that he was going to "pee on the potty now" and spending a long weekend at the state park peeing all over the park, we were DONE. No fights, no stressing, two accidents, and it was OVER and everyone was happy! Good Luck! (BTW: He's now 15 and has made most of his lifestyle decisions in the same way. "I'm ready, this is what I want to do, I'm doing it, it's done. Including his decision to make Jesus Christ the Lord of his life when he was 7!)
Posted by Sherri | June 8, 2007 7:48 PM
Posted on June 8, 2007 19:48
Sherri, I'm in agreement of not being a dictator, and we try to do that by giving choices. So instead of saying "Put a shirt on!" saying..."Do you want to wear the green shirt or the red one?"
But I'll say I veer away from the 'just let them decide.' Not always, but in general. Take the above potty training deal. I guess regardless of anything, we have two little boys, and I don't like changing one kid's diapers, much less two. So I wanted Ian trained, period. For me. So even with our struggles, it went from changing diapers for every pee and poo, to changing just a few a day at age 2. What a relief. And now he's 2 years and 8 months and 98% potty trained. He still wets his little pull up when he sleeps at night.
He wasn't as easy as the rest, but now it's done and it sure helps our time and attitude!
Posted by Kevin | June 14, 2007 1:46 PM
Posted on June 14, 2007 13:46